Nobody Knows it but me
by SleepieCareBear
Summary: *Chapters Revised* H/Hr ficlet... Sad/Sweet...etc.
1. Harry's regret

Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. The song does not belong to me either. It's "Nobody knows it but me" By Babyface.  
_  
Wish I had told her how I feel / Maybe she'd be here right now  
  
But instead  
  
I pretend that I'm glad you went away / These four walls close in more everyday /And I'm dyin inside / And nobody knows it but me / yeah hmmmm_  
  
"Harry?"  
  
Twenty-one-year-old Harry Potter looked up from his paper work at the Ministry of Magic at the sound of his name being called. He cracked a small, strained smile at the owner of the voice. Which belonged to his best friend, Ron Weasley. Ron had his head peeked in the room, a look of anticipation on his face.  
  
"Hey Ron," Harry said weakly, running a hand through his hair. Ron grinned at him and entered the small office. As he looked closer at Harry, however his smile quickly faded and a look of concern crossed his handsome face. Harry had dark circles under his eyes and his face looked very tired and stressed.  
  
"Hard day?" He asked hesitantly.  
  
"No, not r-" But Harry cut himself off, contemplating over when he had almost said. "Yes, It was a hard day," He finally said giving Ron a forced smile. He hadn't had a hard day at work at all. No, in fact, all in all, it had been a rather pleasant day. But he couldn't really tell Ron why he was upset. No, he wouldn't let anyone know. He just couldn't, they wouldn't understand.  
  
Harry stacked the few remaining papers on his desk, and glanced up at Ron who was staring back at him, a look of questioning doubt written across his face.  
  
"What time did Patrice want me there for dinner?" Harry sighed. Patrice was Ron's newlywed wife. She and Ron had met during his last year of schooling. Patrice was one of Ginny's best friends and had met through her. 

Patrice had invited Harry over to eat dinner with her and Ron that night.  
  
"Well that's what I came to talk to you about, she's moved the time up to 6:30 tonight," Ron said. Harry looked at his watch, it read 5:48, then he looked back up at Ron and raised his eyebrows at him.  
  
"Well I best be off!" Rom grinned and vanished with a small 'pop'. Harry sighed to himself and left as well so he could get a quick shower and pull himself together before going over to Ron's.  
  
_Like a clown I put on a show / Paint it real even if nobody knows / And I'm crying inside / And nobody knows it but me / Yeah hmmm  
_  
Harry arrived at Ron's flat at 6:37 and rang the doorbell. He had gotten a shower, but his effort to pull himself together had only half worked. After all, he was never really himself anymore, how could he be? After he had just let her walk away! Harry choked at the memory but composed himself quickly as Patrice opened the door.  
  
_Just… be yourself, don't think about her and everything will be fine. Just play it cool and don't let them see how upset you really are. It's worked so far._ Harry thought to himself as he smiled brightly at Patrice. Harry noticed she had her short black hair up in a bun as she smiled and pulled him into a hug.  
  
"Hey Harry! I'm glad you could make it!" She said letting go of him and pulling him inside and towards the kitchen. When he entered he saw Ginny and Ron standing there talking. He hadn't known Ginny was coming as well, but then, it didn't really matter.  
  
"Hey Ron, Gin," Harry greeted.  
  
"Hey Harry," Ginny said blushing lightly. "How have you been?"  
  
Harry grinned, he knew how to answer this question, it was really very simple, all he had to do was skirt around the question. Instead of saying how he was he told her all about what he had been doing at work. Harry had found this very useful, as people never knew he was just trying to change the subject. 

***  
  
They had finished eating and now just sat around talking and laughing. 

"It feels weird without Hermione around, doesn't it?" Ginny asked suddenly.  Harry nearly dropped his glass of wine, but managed to keep his grip on the glass. Although, memories Harry had been trying (though rather unsuccessfully) to block out for nearly a year started clouding his mind; he had to get home.  
  
"Wow, it's getting late," he said in the most steady voice he could muster, looking down at his watch. "I really should be getting home, thanks again Patrice. Bye Ron, Ginny." And with that he Apparated home.  
  
Harry didn't want to seem rude, but he couldn't help it. Memories of the last four years of his life, had started flooding his mind. The first time he had kissed Hermione; how in love with her he really was. How he had let her walk away. 

Harry let the tears roll down his cheeks as he looked back upon his mistakes. Why didn't he just tell her? Why was it so hard for him? He remembered calling to her as she went to get on the train . . .  
  
***  
  
_"Hermione! WAIT!" Harry called across the crowded train station. Hermione stopped, but she didn't turn around. Harry stepped in front of her and looked into her eyes, they were red and puffy, and filled to the brim with tears, and he presumed his looked quite the same.   
  
"H-Harry _please_ don't make this any harder on me than it already is!" Hermione pleaded.  
  
"Hermione . . . you can't go . . ." Harry trailed off, his eyes burning into hers.  
  
"WHY HARRY? WHY NOT?" Hermione yelled, tears now streaming down her face. "Why not?" She said again, her voice barely audible; then she dropped her gaze to her feet.  
  
Harry stood before her, at a loss for words. He knew what he needed to say . . . and he wanted to say it! So why couldn't he? Hermione brought her eyes up to meet his once more. Harry stared into the depths of Honey Brown.  
  
"_Hermione!"_ He alleged, tears now threatening to fall from his own eyes. "You_ know _why!" Harry whispered hoarsely.  
  
"Then say it Harry. Please," Hermione choked out.  
  
"I-I Can't!" Harry sputtered.  
  
"Then I'm sorry," Hermione uttered, taking a deep breath "But if you can't tell me why Harry, I-I have n-n-no reason to stay!" She finished and turned away breaking into a run. Panic engulfed Harry's senses; she couldn't go! Harry moved to grab her arm, but she was gone.  
  
***_

  
Harry just lay on his bed, lost in his memories for what seemed like hours before finally falling into a fitful sleep.  
  
_Why didn't I say / The things I needed to say / How could I let my angel get away / Now my world is just a tumblin' down / I can say it so clearly now / But your no where around_  
  
Harry woke early the next morning and dressed for work. Seeing as how he didn't have to be at work for a few hours, and he still had things weighing heavily on his mind, he decided to walk to work. 

But this morning, he didn't dwell on the fact that he had lost Hermione, no, instead he thought about all the good times they had had before she left; before he let her get away. The love that they had shared; that he was never able to admit to. He could say it now though, and as just to prove it to himself he yelled it out at the empty morning streets.  
  
"I LOVE YOU HERMIONE GRANGER!"  
  
But he knew she couldn't hear him. Harry frowned to himself as he reached his work place. He walked into a tall brick building; the one, which all the Muggles thought was broken down and abandoned. He walked into his office and settled down at his desk, determined not to let his thoughts get in the way of his work. And he did a fairly good job of doing just that until around lunchtime . . . when he couldn't help but think of when he had first started there. Hermione had always come to meet him for lunch, and they would go to the little diner just down the road together.  
  
"Harry there's someone here to see you," Harry's secretary, Victoria's voice sounded through his office. Harry's brows furrowed, who would be here to see him? It couldn't be Ron, Victoria just let him in.  
  
"Who is it?" He asked with a wave of his wand, so as she could hear him. 

"Ginny Weasley," She announced after a moments pause.   
  
"Oh, I'll be right out," Harry answered. He stood up and walked out of his office and down the hall. He entered the main office to see Ginny standing there looking around nervously, but when she saw him she smiled.  
  
"Hi Harry! I was just out and about and I was about to get some lunch, but I thought about how upset you seemed last night… Anyway, I was just wondering if you wanted to take a little break from work and get a bite to eat with me," She finished, blushing ever so slightly. Harry stared at her for a moment, thinking over her request and finally voiced his answer.  
  
"Sure Gin, I would love to," He said, smiling lightly. Then he turned to Victoria, who was looking at him questioningly.  
  
"I'm going out for my lunch break now. I'll be back in around an hour or so," he nodded to her and then turned to Ginny and walked outside with her.  
  
"So did you have anywhere in mind you wanted to go eat?" He asked.  
  
"Well, no. But I on my way here I saw this little diner just down this street -although I forgot what it was called- I thought maybe we could go there," She answered, watching him out of the corner of her eyes.  
  
"N-not 'The Big Whiz Diner' "? Harry nearly choked out.  
  
"YES! That's the one!" Ginny grinned, but as she turned to Harry however she thought he looked absolutely terrified; all the color had drained from his face, and his eyes seemed to have momentarily lost their sparkle. "Unless you don't want to go there," she added hesitantly.  
  
"N-no . . . that's . . . it's fine," Harry managed.  
  
"You sure?" Ginny wondered aloud, allowing herself a sidelong glace at Harry. But Harry just nodded in affirmative. So they continued walking down the street towards the small diner.  
  
_The nights are lonely and the days are so sad / And I just keep thinking about the love that we had / And I'm missing you / And nobody knows it but me / Mm ya mmm ya ya / I carry a smile when I'm broken in two / And I'm nobody without someone like you / And I'm tremblin inside / And nobody knows it but me / Yeah yeah yeah_  
  
Harry sat alone in his living room later that night. His mind kept running through the previous events of his lunch with Ginny that afternoon. He still couldn't believe he had gone to 'The Big Whiz' with her. He felt bad about it, as if he had betrayed Hermione in some way.

Though he hadn't, and he knew that. He didn't even know where Hermione was now, and she had obviously had enough to do with him. She had been fed up and just wanted an escape, and that's just what she had gotten.  
  
Harry stood up and walked over to his bookcase where he pulled out a large, red, photo album. It was the same one Hagrid had given him while he was still in his first year at Hogwarts. 

He brought it back over to the couch where he sat down and flipped through it. At the beginning, it was still, of course, filled with pictures of Lily and James, Harry's parents, but as he flipped farther through it he saw pictures of himself, Ron, Hermione, and his other fellow schoolmates. He saw one that had been taken in his Second Year by Collin Creevy. But even father back he saw pictures that made his eyes fill with tears. These pictures of course, where of him and Hermione together. One of them showed Hermione sitting on Harry's lap, reading a book, while he read it over her shoulder. Another of them having a vicious snowball fight out on the grounds.  
  
As Harry watched the picture, he saw the picture version of himself get hit in the face with a snowball, and then run after Hermione whom had thrown the ball of snow. She ran from him but he caught her quickly, tackling her to the ground Causing him to fall on top of her and then  start tickling her furiously. The Hermione in the picture tried to fight him off in vain. Finally she gave up and just caught his mouth on hers and that did it, he stopped tickling her and melted into the kiss.  
  
Harry sighed and snapped the book shut quickly. That night as Harry thought over everything that had happened in the last four years, he finally realized just why it was he wasn't able to tell Hermione he loved her. For he had never had such feelings before, he never knew love as a child; growing up with the Dursleys, who would? He wanted to be absolutely sure he felt it before he said it; it wasn't a word Harry liked to toss around lightly. But he had been sure in the end. Yes, he had known he loved Hermione more than life itself. Only, when she had said she was going to leave…   
  


***  
  
_"Harry?" Hermione called as she walked into the apartment they shared.  
  
"I'm in here, Honey!" he called lightly from the study. Hermione walked in, she had a small frown playing upon her lips.  
  
"What's wrong?" he asked as he stood up and embraced her in a hug.  
  
"Well, nothing . . . I . . . I'm actually rather happy . . . but," she stopped.  
  
"But…?" Harry urged her to continue.  
  
"Oh Harry!" She cried holding into the front of his robes, tears forming in her eyes. She lifted her head from where it rested on his chest and looked into his eyes. "Harry, I love you," she stated. Harry was taken aback, he knew she loved him, she had told him once before, and he had told her he wasn't yet ready to relay his feelings then. She had said she understood and she hadn't said it since, but Harry could always sense the slight tension.  
  
"Harry?" she asked, breaking him from his short reverie.  
  
"Yes?" he asked.  
  
"Do you love me back? I-," Hermione choked back a sob. "-I really need to know how you feel about me," she said meekly.  
  
"Yes," he whispered. "I do."  
  
"Then say it. I _need_ to hear you say it," he heard her reply and then a sob through his shirt, where her head again rested.  
  
"I L- I . . . I L- . . . I can't . . ."  
  
Hermione pulled away from him slightly just enough so he could see the hurt in her eyes, which only made him feel lower than low.  
  
"Harry, I-I was offered a job at the Ministry today… An under cover job." She again stopped, but this time it was because she was crying too hard to go on. Harry wanted to comfort her and kiss away her tears, but she pulled away from him and sat on a chair. He sat on the chair opposite her, his whole body feeling completely numb.  
  
After a good while Hermione finally found the strength to continue.  
  
"I've been thinking it over all day and I really want to do it. The only thing holding me back is… you. And you know how I feel about you. You know I love you. I-I love _so_ much. Only, you-" Hermione again broke off. Harry still just stared at her, numb. Numb, in fear.  
  
"You don't love, me," Hermione finished wiping a tear off her cheek with a shaky hand. Harry blinked, he was too shocked to say anything, and how could she think he didn't love her? As the silence engulfed him he finally found the strength to voice his thoughts.  
  
"How could you even think that?" He said as he felt a tear slid down his own cheek.  
  
"What else am I _supposed_ to think Harry? You can't tell me . . . How do I know that you really do? I'm not saying you don't care for me Harry, I know you do. But, I really need to hear those words, and until I do . . ." Hermione broke down into hysterical wrecking fits of sobs.  
  
***  
_  
She had left the next day. And Harry again cursed his stupidity. It was just a word, and he knew he felt it. She should have known, too! You can show love with more than words! But then, he would have been upset with her, as well, if he had let out those three life-altering words and she had refused to say the same. He would have felt unsure, too.  
  
_Lie awake its a quarter past 3 / I'd scream it at night if I thought you'd hear me / Ya my heart is callin' you / And nobody knows it but me / Baby / How blue can I get / You could ask my heart / But like a jigsaw puzzle its been torn all apart / A million words couldn't say / Just how I feel / A million years from now you know I'll be loving you still  
_  
"Good morning, Victoria," Harry greeted as he entered work the next morning. But as he proceeded he didn't enter his office, he past it right up and kept heading down the hall. He went all the way down the hall, until finally he stopped in front of a door and knocked once, and then entered without waiting for a reply.  
  
Harry watched as the person behind the desk in this office's head flew up in response, then a slow smirk formed across his refined face.  
  
"Why, hello Potter, and to what do I own this pleasure today?" Draco Malfoy asked lazily.  
  
"Malfoy, I need a favor," Harry stated simply. Causing Draco burst out laughing.  
  
"Yeah, okay Potter, sure." He said going back to his paperwork.  
  
"Draco, I'm serious."  
  
"Okay Potter. Enlighten me and tell me, why exactly, should I help . . . you?"  
  
"Because I asked you to."  
  
"Yeah, that's just not working for me."  
  
"Because, if you do this for me, I will you be in your debt." Draco thought about this a moment.  
  
"Well, what is it that you need me to do?" He questioned.  
  
"I need you to find out where Hermione is," Harry answered. Draco just gawped at him for a minute.  
  
"Are you _insane_? That's Top Secret Information! I can't just _give_ you that!" Draco exclaimed finally.  
  
"I know! But I _really_ need to know where she is!" Harry said exasperatedly. Draco muddled over this for a while.  
  
"And you'll own me one?" Draco questioned again.  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"Fine, I'll do it. I must be going nuts. But I'll do it. I'll have your information ready for you tomorrow morning," He sighed. Harry just stood there awkwardly for a moment not sure what to say. Draco looked up.  
  
"You can leave now." So Harry left, and went to get his own work done.  
  
Later that evening as Harry was leaving he stopped to talk to Victoria.  
  
"Victoria, I'm going to take my vacation starting tomorrow," Harry told her.  
  
"But Harry! I don't know if you can start tomorrow, you have to put in and wait until-"  
  
"I _don't care!_ Put me on sick leave if you have to! I'm leaving tomorrow. Now Good night Victoria," He said and walked out the door.  
  
_The nights are lonely / And the days are so sad / And I just keep thinking about the love that we had / And I'm missing you / And nobody knows it but me / Yeah yeah oooooooo yeah ay ooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooo / Nobody, nobody but me / Tomorrow morning I'm hitting the dusty road / Gonna find you where ever  
_  
_ever you might go / And I'm gonna unload my heart / And hope you come back to me_  
  
Harry awoke at Five AM the next morning to the sound of his alarm clock. He groggily rolled out of bed, and got dressed. He grabbed his wand, wallet, and watch off his dresser then pulled his Invisibility Cloak on and left. When he arrived at work, he didn't enter, but instead he stood outside and waited.  
  
After waiting for around thirty minutes he finally saw Draco rounding the corner of the street. He hurried over to him and whispered: "Did you get it?"

"Yes, Potter, I did. Meet me out back in five minutes time and I'll tell you what you need to know," He hissed in the direction he heard Harry's voice before disappearing inside the building. Harry hurried around back and waited yet again. 

At long last Draco emerged from inside.  
  
"Are you back here?" He whispered cautiously.  
  
"Yes," Harry said taking off his cloak.  
  
"Good, here," Draco said handing him a piece of paper. "I hope this will suffice," He said.  
  
"Draco. Thanks," was all Harry could say.  
  
"Yeah. Whatever, I have to go," Draco said and went back inside.  
  
Harry threw his cloak back on and set off for his house. When he reached his destination he quickly went inside and took off his cloak. The he opened the slip of paper and read:  
  
Hermione Granger: Under Cover Operative.  
  
Under Cover Name: Ann Marie Landenberg.  
  
Current Position: United States of America. Nevada, Las Vegas.

Working As: A Dealer at the Mandalay Bay Casino.  
  
Appearance: Short, choppy, black hair. Purple stud eyebrow ring. Tongue Ring. Tattoo around wrist that says "What Goes Around Comes Around". Tattoo of Blue butterfly on right shoulder. Tattoo of a thorny heart on left ankle. Bright Blue Eyes.  
  
Harry folded the piece of paper back up and slipped it in his pocket. His mind was reeling. 

_Hermione with… a tongue ring… And tattoos? Short… Black…Hair?_ He just really couldn't picture this. Then an idea struck him. He was going to go undercover himself. Not only would Hermione not recognize him when she saw him, but he wouldn't have to worry about being "The Famous Harry Potter".  
  
Harry ran over to the mirror and used a few simple charms. When he was finished he looked totally different. He had tamed brown hair, which was parted in the middle and hung slighting in his now smoky gray eyes. His scar was no longer visible and he needn't his glasses. Then thinking of Hermione's punk rocker state as an after thought he added a nose ring, and spiked his hair, so as it no longer hung in his eyes. Feeling satisfied, he grabbed his Invisibility Cloak and put it in his suitcase, which he had packed the night before.

Then he took off his Wizard robes, for he was going into Muggle London, picked up his suitcase and Apperated to Las Vegas.

_  
Ya said when / The nights are lonely and the days are so sad / And I just keep thinking about the love that we had / And I'm missing you / And nobody knows it but me / The nights are lonely and the days are so sad / And I just keep thinking about the love that we had / And I'm missing you / And nobody knows it but me / The nights are lonely and the days are so sad / And I just keep thinking about the love that we had / And I'm missing you / And nobody knows it but me_  
  
~Carebear


	2. Hermione's regret

Disclaimer: Same as the first chapter. Except, the song is "Goodbye to you" By Michelle Branch, and the lyrics in Harry's flowers are "I think I love you" BY Kaci. She does a re-make of the song, I'm not sure who the original version is by. But I don't own it!  
  
_~*Of all the things I've believed in*~_

~*I just wanna get it over with*~ 

~*tears from behind my eyes*~ 

~*but I do not cry*~ 

~*Counting the days that pass me by*~ 

~*I've been searching deep down in my soul*~ 

~*Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old*~

~*Feels like I'm starting all over again*~

~*The last three years were just pretend and I said*~  
  
"Stand," muttered the young gentleman at Hermione's Blackjack table. Hermione or 'Ann' smiled politely at the man as she gave herself another card.  
  
"Sixteen," she muttered, and gave herself another hit. Bust. Hermione paid the man his winnings and started a new round.  
  
"Place your bets," She said lazily. After the man at her table had made his bet Hermione laid out the cards. Her showing card was an Ace. She looked up at the man before her, "Would you like insurance?"  
  
"No," he said studying his cards. He had a King and a Three.  
  
"Double," he said looking up at her. Hermione smiled and gladly laid out another card before the man; it was a nine, bust. Hermione flipped her remaining card over, eight. She had won that round. She collected the winnings as the man at her table left and decided, since her table was empty now anyway, she would go on a break. Actually, she thought as she looked down at her watch, it was almost time for her to get off anyhow.  
  
She walked slowly back to the break room, keeping her eyes out for anything suspicious as she went.  
  
She reached the break room and clocked out. She sighed to herself and went outside to scout the massive parking lot for her car. When she finally found it, she climbed inside and made her way to her small apartment across town.  
  
Hermione made it to her apartment and pulled the keys out of the front door as she pushed it open. She walked inside and tiredly plopped down on her couch. She looked at all the pictures sitting on her end table; why she kept them out was beyond her, all they brought were sad memories full of sorrow and regret. She lifted herself up slightly and laid them all face down; she didn't need that tonight.

After a few minutes she got up, running a hand through her now, shirt hair, as she wakled down the hallway towards her bathroom.   
  
After a long, hot, shower, Hermione climbed into bed with a book and read before going to sleep.  
  
_~*Goodbye to you*~_

~*Goodbye to everything I thought I knew*~ 

~*You were the one I loved*~ 

~*The one thing that I tried to hold on to*~  
  
Hermione awoke with a start the next morning as the alarm clock on her bedside table blasted in her ears. She frowned as she climbed out of bed and pulled on a white tank top, black mini skirt, and pair of black, knee high army boots. Then she grumbled incoherently as she looked in the mirror, she frowned and applied black eyeliner to her eyes; green eye shadow and mascara. Then she brushed her teeth and dabbed some lip balm on her lips.  
  
She walked back into her bedroom and frowned, walked straight over to her nightstand and laid the picture of her in Harry's arms facedown. She put her hands on her hips and sighed, catching a glace at her clock.  
  
"Holy shit," she muttered to no one as she saw what time it was. She took one last look in the mirror and grabbed a pair of small, hoop ear rings off her dresser. Then she ran into the living room, picked up her keys off the coffee table and flew into the kitchen. 

As quick as she could she seized her purse off the table, grabbed a granola bar and threw it in her purse, along with the ear rings. And she was out the door and in her car in less than five minutes. She turned her music up as loud as it would go, trying to drown out the world, and pulled her sunglasses on as she drove.  
  
She sang loudly along with the song that was on the radio as a tear slipped slowly down her cheek. She wiped it away with her perfectly manicured finger. But the lyrics stung, she couldn't believe how much she could feel through music. The lyric's pounded themselves into her ears:  
_  
~*I still get lost in your eyes*~ _

~*And it seems like I can't live a day without you*~

~*Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away*~ 

~*To a place where I am blinded by the light but it's not right*~  
  
Hermione jammed the button on her radio, changing stations so she wouldn't have to hear anymore of that song, it had brought her to tears. It reminded her of Harry's eyes, the never ending pools of green she had so often found herself incessantly lost in. Hermione shook her head trying to extract anymore bothersome thoughts from her mind as she focused on the new song playing. To her fury it was "Paradise" By Kaci.  
  
"And as I gaze into your eyes I realize it's paradise! No place on earth could be so nice!"  
  
One second later "Forgotten" by Linkin Park was blaring from her CD player. She smiled contently to herself at long last.

***  
  
Hermione walked inside the Casino and sighed dreadfully to herself, it got awfully boring dealing out cards all day. Every now and then someone interesting to talk to would come to her table, but again, this was rare. She clocked in and yawned as she pulled on her work shirt over her tank top and made her way to her table.  
  
After opening the money bag that was in the safe beneath the counter and counting the money, she opened her purse and extracted her ear rings and put them on, then she started eating her granola bar.  
  
Hermione slumped in her seat and looked around. She saw a young man rush into the room, and look around, he spotted her and walked towards her quickly. She sighed in an 'oh boy here we go' sort of way. He sat down across from her cheerfully.

She studied him for a moment, she studied everyone; studying was her second nature. He had spiked brown hair, a nose ring, and piercing gray eyes. they reminded her of someone but she wasn't sure whom. '_Draco?_' she thought to herself questioningly.  
  
"Hi Ann-Marie! How have you been?" The man in front of her asked. Hermione was startled, she had gotten weird vibes she didn't like from this guy. He made her feel strange, happy, sad, anxious, nervous.  
  
"How do you know my name?" she asked hesitantly.  
  
"It says it right there on your _name_ tag Hermione!" The stranger chided positively giddy.  
  
"Oh," Hermione said feeling silly. '_Hey! Wait a second! He called me- Hermione._' She had half a mind to call backup… but something else held her back. She looked deeper into those gray eyes and almost lost herself in them. Defiantly _not_ Malfoy they reminded her of. She could see mischief dancing in them, and she had never been able to read Draco's eyes.  
  
"Why-why'd you call me that?" She sputtered out finally.  
  
"What? Hermione? Because that's your name," he stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. She blinked at him.  
  
"Well… how would you know that?" Hermione was beginning to feel really nervous and was about to call for backup, but those eyes… they were _so_ familiar! She knew them from somewhere she was sure of it.  
  
The man's tone softened as he spoke again. "How would you expect me _not _to know?" he asked gently his voice cracking slightly, filled with emotion. Hermione stared in horror.  
  
"Harry?" She gasped before promptly fainting.  
  
_~*Goodbye to you*~  
~*Goodbye to everything I thought I knew*~  
~*You were the one I loved*~  
~*The one thing that I tried to hold on to*~  
_  
Hermione woke slightly dazed and confused. She looked around generally and blinked, she seemed to be in her Break Room. But how had she gotten here? _'Oh God,' _Hermione thought and leaned back so she was lying down again, as she remembered what had made her faint.  
  
"Oh you're awake!" Harry commented as he entered the room a glass of water in his hand. "Here drink this," he said handing her the water. Hermione only too happily obliged and gulped down the water. But questions were soon spilling out of her mouth like a waterfall.  
  
"How did you know where I was? Or that it was me? Why are you here? Why do you look like that? You _are _Harry aren't you?" Hermione would have continued but she was cut off as Harry tried to answer some of her questions.  
  
"I can't tell you how I knew… yet. But I found out. And yes, it _is _me, and I look like this, because I didn't want you to get mad and run as soon as you saw me," Harry answered. Hermione goggled at him for a moment before recovering her ability to speak.  
  
"B-but why?!" she burst out. Harry looked uneasy and Hermione was quite glad he didn't look himself because she was sure she would be in tears if he did.  
  
"Because I have something I _have _to tell you," Harry looked around uneasily. "Can we leave here? Is there somewhere else we can go?" He asked cautiously.  
  
"I- yeah," Hemrione said standing up and hastily wiping a tear from her cheek. She walked out of the room and up to her co-worker Melanie.  
  
"Ann! Are you okay? You look so pale! Oh and you're shaking!" Melanie squealed as Hermione walked up to her.  
  
"Actually Melanie, I'm not feeling so well. Would you mind covering for me if I took off for the rest of the day?" She asked, no pleaded, but she hadn't lied, she really did feel dreadful. She felt as if she was ready to vomit and laugh, and cry all at the same time.  
  
"Oh of course! You go on home honey! I'll take care of everything! You just go get well!" She insisted turning Hermione around towards the door. Hermione smiled kindly at her and walked to the lobby where Harry was waiting.

He smiled nervously at her, and took her hand in his. Hermione snatched her hand away from him, how dare he? She glared at him and saw he looked absolutely crestfallen. She frowned and walked past him and out the doors.  
  
Harry scrambled along behind her as she made way to her small, silver Toyota Celica. She reached it and climbed inside and waited for Harry to do the same. When he just stood there awkwardly she sighed and yelled at him.  
  
"Well what are you waiting for? GET IN!" Harry did as he was told and was soon sitting next to her in her car. Hermione turned the keys in the ignition and music blared or "Paper cut" by Linkin Park to be exact. Harry jumped and looked up at her shocked. She quickly turned the music down some before pulling out of the parking lot and heading for her apartment.  
  
"What _is_ that?" Harry exclaimed.  
  
"Music," Hermione answered softly.  
  
"No, I've heard music. _that _is _not_ music!" he interjected. Hermione ignored him, disgusted. But after a few minutes she noticed him bobbing his head to the music.  
  
"Where are we going?" he asked suddenly.  
  
"To my apartment I need to lie down, I don't feel so well," Hermione snapped.  
  
"Oh, I'm… sorry," Harry whispered. Hermione looked sideways at him for a moment, he really did look… well, _sad._  
  
Hermione pulled into her parking place at her apartment complex and quickly headed inside for her couch where she laid down and closed her eyes. After a few minutes of silence, she opened her eyes to see Harry hovering above her.  
  
"So can you tell me why you're here now? Or, what you have to tell me?" Hermione asked rather harshly. Harry got down on his knees so he was almost eye level with her. Then he took her hands in his and looked her in the eyes.  
  
"Harry," She choked out.  
  
"What?" he asked, his voice deeper than normal.  
  
"I- You- Change back, this is too weird," she said at last. Harry sighed and dropped her hands as he stood up and walked over to mirror she had hanging on the wall. He took his appearance charms off one by one then he turned around and looked at Hermione and felt his heart drop into his stomach.  
  
Hermione stared at him, silent tears steaming down her face. Why was he doing this to her? Didn't he know how much it hurt? How bad he had hurt her? He crossed the room and sat down next to her. He gazed into her eyes, and started speaking softly.  
  
"I came to see you because I had to tell you that… that the biggest mistake I ever made was letting you go. I've regretted it everyday since, and my life has been hell without you. I miss you; all I think about is you. Hermione… what I'm trying to say, is that- that I love you Hermione Granger, I always have, I was just to dumb to say it before and I'm sorry for that. And I would understand if you could never forgive me for how stupid I was, but I just had to tell you. I had to see you again. And I hope with all my life that you can find it in your heart to forgive me, and give me another chance, because you're the best thing that ever happened to me, and I'm miserable without you," Harry poured out.  
  
_~*Ohhh yeah*~  
~*and It hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time*~  
~*I want what's yours and I want what's mine*~  
~*I want you but I'm not giving in this time*~_  
  
Hermione was stunned to say the least. He had said it. He had finally told her he loved her. But it was too late, she had waited too long to hear those words and she had given him his chance; he had lost it. She looked back into his unfaltering gaze.  
  
"Harry, don't you get it? I have no heart anymore, you ripped it from me and tore it to shreds! How can I find it in my heart to forgive you when I no longer have one?" Hermione said before she broke down into uncontrollable sobs. Hermione looked up and to her great surprise saw Harry leave. She couldn't believe he was leaving!  
  
Hermione got up and walked to the bathroom, where she opened her medicine cabinet, and picked out a bottle labeled 'Dreamless Sleep potion'. She gulped it down and went into her room and crawled into her bed, where she fell asleep instantly.  
  
***  
  
Hermione awoke groggily and clambered out of bed, unsure of what had awoken her. She became aware of a soft upbeat melody drifting from her kitchen. 

Wondering how long she had been asleep she looked at her alarm clock, it was 7:53. She had practically slept all day, she though bitterly to herself. 

She walked into her kitchen to investigate the noise. As she drew closer she could make out some of the lyrics to the song:  
  
_"I think I love you!  
So what am I so afraid of?  
I'm afraid that I'm not sure of  
A love there is no cure for  
I think I love you  
Isn't that what life is made of?  
Though it worries me to say  
I've never felt this way"_  
  
_'Where on earth is this coming from?_' Hermione wondered as she entered the kitchen. She quickly found the source of the song; it was a bouquet of flowers sitting on her small bar. 

She looked closely at the flowers, puzzled, not only had they not been there before, but they were set together to form a perfect heart shape. It was a dozen roses, yet almost everyone was a unique color and attached to each stem was a little card. Hermione noticed a small piece of paper lying next to the vase of flowers and picked it up with shaky hands.  
  
_'Dear Hermione,  
  
I can only say I'm sorry, but I cannot clearly express how deeply sorry I really am. It's truly impossible to put into words (trust me, I've been trying for hours) and I deeply regret what I have done. I never meant to hurt you in that way, and my only wish is that I could make it up to you. But seeing as how I'm sure you don't want anything to do with me, (and I don't blame you) I thought it better to just give you this and perhaps give closure to all of this… and help re-mend your heart._

So let me say: I sent you roses with several different meanings in mind. The song itself expresses some of how I feel an felt. The flowers altogether represent your heart which I am giving back to you. While each rose by itself represents one piece (since as you so harshly put it I tore it to shreds this is my only way of putting it back together). While yet even farther, each color, has it's own meaning and special part of our relationship. The meanings have been marked on each rose itself. With deepest love, regret and remorse, 

Harry.'  
  
Hermione dropped the note as tears slid silently down her face. She inhaled deeply a few times and composed herself before she started to read the cards on the flowers. 

She reached for the Yellow rose first, which she was drawn to, as she had never seen a yellow rose before. She gently opened the small card and read:

'Yellow; to our friendship. For the wonderful friendship we shared for so many years. It will always be one of my happiest memories.' Hermione couldn't help but smiled slightly through her tears as she reached for the next flower.  
  
_'Red; for the love that we shared for so many years, may we never forget it.'_  
  
_'Blue; for sadness and despair, regret, loses, pain and so much more, may we move on and be strong, ready to face what lies ahead.'_  
  
_'Green; for envy, we all have it and it's a rope walk in every relationship, yet we always got through it.'_  
  
_'Pink; for happy summers days spent by the lake or in the garden.'_  
  
_'Orange; for bitter pasts, old boyfriends/girlfriends, secrets and all those little stings that relationships are made of.'_  
  
_'Brown; for rainy days spent inside snuggling.'_  
  
_'Black; for my mistake, the downfall of our relationship. For deepest remorse.'_  
  
_'Purple; for big accomplishments; our first cottage, your job offer, for won Quidditch Cups, and Top Marks in every class. For our getting together.'_  
  
_'White; for hope. May you always have it with you and never let it leave. Hope is the greatest strength through anything, may it never falter for you.'  
_  
Hermione sniffed and wiped away a tear as she read the last card. She noticed there were two yellow roses as well as two red, which made up the dozen. 

She listened closely to the words of the song they sang as she sat there crying and she realized that, perhaps she had been too hard on Harry. Just because she had been ready to admit her love for Harry, she shouldn't have pushed him so hard. He had had a hard life, and as the song said, there was no cure for love. Harry had never known love as a child, it was all new to him. 

Hermione nearly laughed at herself and her in-depth reading into music and song lyrics. For she realized it had taken that song for her to see Harry's point of view. She had been so wrapped up in herself and how hurt she was that he didn't love her that she could never see it. She felt unbelievably guilty, she knew he loved her, he had shown her everyday, so why did she so badly want to hear him say it? How could she have been so selfish?  
  
_"Isn't that what life is made of?  
Though it worries me to say  
I've never felt this way"_  
  
Hermione marveled at Harry, he was always so creative; who would think of a gift like that? And he blamed it all on himself, he held no anger or hostility towards her at all.

Hermione cried harder as the reality of what she had done sunk in. He had tracked her down, and come to find her even after everything she had put him through, and she again had turned her back on him! He was undoubtedly the most sweet, perfect, caring, romantic man she had ever met, and just because he was shy, and liked to be sure of things, she had let him get away from her once again. Hermione remembered the black rose, deepest remorse, that was what she felt right then.  
  
"Hermione?" Someone asked softly from behind her.  
  
_~*Goodbye to you*~  
~*Goodbye to everything I thought I knew*~  
~*You were the one I loved*~  
~*The one thing that I tried to hold on to*~  
~*The one thing that I tried to hold on to*~_  
  
Hermione spun around and saw Harry standing behind her, tears falling from his own eyes. Stunned, Hermione just stood there staring at him blankly as if he wasn't real.  
  
"I'm sorry! I shouldn't have come… it's just… I-I'm leaving in an hour to go back to London and I just wanted to say bye." Harry stuttered.  
  
Hermione inhaled a long deep breath, her first sign of registering anything that he had said; of his being there. And then she flung herself into his arms, wrapping her arms around his back, and crying into his shoulder.  
  
At first, Harry was sure he had imagined her throwing herself into his arms, but after a moment it became apparent he hadn't. He slowly lifted his arms and wrapped them around her small, shaking build. Then he led her to the living room and sat her down on the couch, where he continued to hold her and tell her he was sorry, and it was okay now.  
  
Eventually Hermione found it within herself to speak.  
  
"Harry, I'm s-so sorry! I love you and I've missed you so much it's not even funny. And I was so selfish! I shouldn't ha-have made you feel obligated to tell me anything you weren't ready for! Harry, I love you and I don't want to lose you again." She sniffed.  
  
Harry stared at her, not believing his own ears this time. But then as he stared into her eyes and saw the pleading in them, he knew he hadn't.  
  
"Oh 'Mione! I love you, too! And I should have told you sooner! It was stupid of me not to, but I wanted to, I really did." Harry murmured. Hermione stayed in his embrace for awhile and neither spoke, they just relished being in each others arms again.   
  
"Promise?" Hermione whispered after several minutes.  
  
"Promise what?" Harry asked tenderly.  
  
"Promise me, that I'll never lose you again," she explained.  
  
"It'll never happen, I won't let it, I promise," he assured her.  
  
Harry didn't make his plane that night, he stayed with Hermione for a few days before returning to London. Hermione joined him several months later, when her undercover job ended and she quit, refusing to except anymore jobs for a good while.  
  
_~*Goodbye to you*~  
~*Goodbye to everything I thought I knew*~  
~*You were the one I loved*~  
~*The one thing that I tried to hold on to*~  
~*and When the stars fall I will lie awake*~  
~*Your my shooting star*~_  
  
A/N: PLEASE REVIEW! I would really appreciate it! I hope you liked my story, heh. Anyhow.  
  
CentralsPrincess15: Thanks for the review!  
  
thefly : LoL, yeah Harry is pretty silly, but so is Hermione, but see! They worked it out. Now! Where's your second chappie? LOL  
  
AdeleighTheIrishPrincess :Aww! Thank you! I hope there wasn't.. umm too much angst.hehe.  
  
hurry up: Erm. Glad you liked it! Hope it was soon enough! Hehe. 


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